Sunday, December 25, 2011

gimme the krampus

...instead of obama claus

giftgiving

Luke 11:9-12

"9 “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
10 For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened.
11 Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he?
12 Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he?
13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

it's all about meme

I'll post my quibbles with this list of "100 Cult Films" after I answer the meme:


2001: A Space Odyssey, Stanley Kubrick, 1968
Akira, Katsuhiro Otomo, 1988 (1)
Angel of Vengeance, Abel Ferrara, 1981
Bad Taste, Peter Jackson, 1987
Baise-moi, Virginie Despentes, Coralie Trinh Thi, 2000
Begotten, E. Elias Merhige, 1991
Behind the Green Door, Artie Mitchell, Jim Mitchell, 1972
La belle et la bête, Jean Cocteau, 1946 (2)
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Russ Meyer, 1970
The Big Lebowski, Joel Coen, Ethan Coen, 1998
Blade Runner, Ridley Scott, 1982
Blue Sunshine, Jeff Lieberman, 1978
Brazil, Terry Gilliam, 1985
Bride of Frankenstein, James Whale, 1935
The Brood, David Cronenberg, 1979
Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari, Robert Wiene, 1920
Café Flesh, Stephen Sayadian, 1982
Cannibal Holocaust, Ruggero Deodato, 1979
Casablanca, Michael Curtiz, 1942
Un chien andalou, Luis Buñuel, Salvador Dalí, 1928
Coffy, Jack Hill, 1973
Daughters of Darkness, Harry Kümel, 1971
Dawn of the Dead, George A. Romero, 1978
Deadly Weapons, Doris Wishman, 1974
Debbie Does Dallas, Jim Clark, 1978
Deep Red, Dario Argento, 1975
Dirty Dancing, Emile Ardolino, 1987
Django, Sergio Corbucci, 1966
Donnie Darko, Richard Kelly, 2001
Don’t Torture a Duckling, Lucio Fulci, 1972
Edward Scissorhands, Tim Burton, 1990
Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Aristide Massaccesi, 1977
Emmanuelle, Just Jaeckin, 1974
Enter the Dragon, Robert Clouse, 1973
Eraserhead, David Lynch, 1977
The Evil Dead, Sam Raimi, 1981
Fight Club, David Fincher, 1999
Flaming Creatures, Jack Smith, 1963
Freak Orlando, Ulrike Ottinger, 1981
Freaks, Tod Browning, 1932
Ginger Snaps, John Fawcett, 2000
The Gods Must Be Crazy, Jamie Uys, 1981
Godzilla, Ishirô Honda, 1954
The Harder They Come, Perry Henzell, 1972
Harold and Maude, Hal Ashby, 1971
Häxan, Benjamin Christensen, 1922
Hellraiser, Clive Barker, 1987
The Holy Mountain, Alejandro Jodorowsky, 1973
The House with the Laughing Windows, Pupi Avati, 1976
I Walked with a Zombie, Jacques Tourneur, 1943
Ichi the Killer, Takashi Miike, 2001
In Bruges, Martin McDonagh, 2008
Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Don Siegel, 1956
Invocation of My Demon Brother, Kenneth Anger, 1969
It’s a Wonderful Life, Frank Capra, 1946
The Killer, John Woo, 1989
Lady Terminator, H. Tjut Djalil, 1988
The Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson, 2001-3 (2 of 3)
Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, George Miller, 1981
Man Bites Dog, Rémy Belvaux, André Bonzel, Benoît Poelvoorde, 1992
Manos, the Hands of Fate, Harold P. Warren, 1966
The Masque of the Red Death, Roger Corman, 1964
Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, 1975
Near Dark, Kathryn Bigelow, 1987
Nekromantik, Jörg Buttgereit, 1987
Night of the Living Dead, George A. Romero, 1968
Pink Flamingos, John Waters, 1972
Piranha, Joe Dante, 1978
Plan 9 from Outer Space, Edward D. Wood Jr, 1959
Re-Animator, Stuart Gordon, 1985
Reefer Madness, Louis Gasnier, 1936 (*)
Repo Man, Alex Cox, 1984
Ringu, Hideo Nakata, 1998
The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Jim Sharman, 1975 (*)
Rome Armed to the Teeth, Umberto Lenzi, 1976
The Room, Tommy Wiseau, 2003
Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom, Pier Paolo Pasolini, 1975
She Killed in Ecstasy, Jesús Franco, 1971
Showgirls, Paul Verhoeven, 1995
Soul Vengeance, Jamaa Fanaka, 1975
The Sound of Music, Robert Wise, 1965
Star Wars, George Lucas, 1977-2005
Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, Todd Haynes, 1988
Suspiria, Dario Argento, 1977
Tank Girl, Rachel Talalay, 1995
Tetsuo, Shinya Tsukamoto, 1989
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Tobe Hooper, 1974
This Is Spinal Tap, Rob Reiner, 1984
Thriller: A Cruel Picture, Bo Arne Vibenius, 1974
Thundercrack!, Curt McDowell, 1975
El Topo, Alejandro Jodorowsky, 1970
The Toxic Avenger, Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman, 1984
Two-Lane Blacktop, Monte Hellman, 1971
Two Thousand Maniacs!, Herschell Gordon Lewis, 1964
The Vanishing, George Sluizer, 1988
Videodrome, David Cronenberg, 1983
The Warriors, Walter Hill, 1979
Witchfinder General, Michael Reeves, 1968
Withnail & I, Bruce Robinson, 1987
The Wizard of Oz, Victor Fleming, 1939

On this list I'd replace the fairly mainstream
  • Casablanca
  • Dirty Dancing (*)
  • It’s a Wonderful Life
  • The Sound of Music
  • Star Wars
  • The Wizard of Oz 
with the far more "cultish"
  • The American Astronaut
  • Jacob's Ladder
  • Koyaanisqatsi
  • Orlando
  • Pi
  • Valhalla Rising
, all of which I've seen.


(*) = I couldn't make myself finish watching
(1) = All three versions: Japanese, English subtitles, English dub.
(2) = Seen at the live performance of Philip Glass' new soundtrack for the movie.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

a mere adjustment of terminology

December 7th, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - a greedy power-crazed cocaine-addicted totalitarian (a.k.a. F.D.R.) feigned surprise when the oil war he and his socialist cronies started was suddenly waged by conventional means, against the will of both the Japanese and the American people...

celebritis

a
sane
world
would
not
find
obnoxious
boors
or
common
prostitutes
noteworthy

Saturday, December 03, 2011

2012 or not?

this is true at least as far back as the war of northern aggression.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

obama's great depre.... squirrel!

remember the old crude joke about "athletic supporters"? obama's "job supporter" joke is worse.

does everything he touch turn to... ahem, the opposite of gold? maybe that's what "shovel-ready" refers to...

scifi poster art

star wars & firefly

the barbara streisand effect strikes again!

i never would have known to avoid the burzynski clinic if it weren't for their threats...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Saturday, November 26, 2011

body count

"fast & furious" seems to be killing people at a faster rate than the iraq war.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Thanksgiving Delayed

My holiday and travels have been delayed this year. This post should not have been delayed - sorry.




O give thanks unto the LORD, for He is good;
for His mercy endureth for ever.

Let the redeemed of the LORD say so,
whom He hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy,

and gathered them out of the lands,
from the east and from the west,
from the north and from the south.

They wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way;
they found no city to dwell in.

Hungry and thirsty,
their soul fainted within them.

Then they cried unto the LORD in their trouble,
and He delivered them out of their distresses.

And He led them forth by the right way,
that they might go to a city for habitation.

Oh that men would praise the LORD for His goodness,
and for His wonderful works to the children of men!

For He satisfieth the longing soul,
and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.

They that sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
being bound in affliction and irons,

because they rebelled against the words of God
and contemned the counsel of the Most High,

therefore He brought down their heart with labor;
they fell down and there was none to help.

Then they cried unto the LORD in their trouble,
and He saved them out of their distresses.

He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
and broke their bonds asunder.

Oh that men would praise the LORD for His goodness,
and for His wonderful works to the children of men!

For He hath broken the gates of brass
and cut the bars of iron asunder.

Fools, because of their transgression
and because of their iniquities, are afflicted.

Their soul abhorreth all manner of meat,
and they draw near unto the gates of death.

Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble,
and He saveth them out of their distresses.

He sent His word and healed them,
and delivered them from their destructions.

Oh that men would praise the LORD for His goodness,
and for His wonderful works to the children of men!

And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving,
and declare His works with rejoicing!

They that go down to the sea in ships,
that do business in great waters:

these see the works of the LORD
and His wonders in the deep.

For He commandeth and raiseth the stormy wind,
which lifteth up the waves thereof.

They mount up to the heaven,
they go down again to the depths;
their soul is melted because of trouble.

They reel to and fro and stagger like a drunken man,
and are at their wits' end.

Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble,
and He bringeth them out of their distresses.

He maketh the storm a calm,
so that the waves thereof are still.

Then are they glad because they are quiet;
so He bringeth them unto their desired haven.

Oh that men would praise the LORD for His goodness,
and for His wonderful works to the children of men!

Let them exalt Him also in the congregation of the people,
and praise Him in the assembly of the elders.

--------

He turneth rivers into a wilderness
and the watersprings into dry ground,

a fruitful land into barrenness
for the wickedness of them that dwell therein.

He turneth the wilderness into a standing water
and dry ground into watersprings;

and there He maketh the hungry to dwell,
that they may prepare a city for habitation,

and sow the fields and plant vineyards,
which may yield fruitful increase.

He blesseth them also so that they are multiplied greatly,
and alloweth not their cattle to decrease.

Again, they are diminished and brought low
through oppression, affliction, and sorrow.

He poureth contempt upon princes,
and causeth them to wander in the wilderness where there is no way.

Yet setteth He the poor on high from affliction,
and maketh their families like a flock.

The righteous shall see it and rejoice,
and all iniquity shall stop her mouth.

Whoso is wise and will observe these things,
even they shall understand the lovingkindness of the LORD.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

"lol-art"

i suggest that title for this site (which dustbury may or may not have been asking for here)


edit: although, that site may be one of the reasons for the commandment against making graven images :/

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

money

maybe listen to this as you view this?

Monday, November 21, 2011

"Save us from the ideological conformity of multiculturalism"

, the cult which labels postmodern conservative as "exemplary of a larger cultural, political, economic, historical force called “America” which in theory represents the worst thing that could ever happen to humanity."

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Thursday, November 17, 2011

never make an appointment with dr. acula

at the doctor today, they needed a blood sample from me. instead of having it taken in a regular room, they sat me in a chair in towards the rear of their workers' office, next to the timeclock, break table, and some shelves with medical and office supplies.

one of the items between my outstretched arm and the water cooler was an empty five-gallon bottle.

feel free to imagine the snarky comment i made upon noticing it. :)

something i thought on the way home 3

what do all the other dorm residents feel when one person always plays disco music too loud?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

something i thought on the way home 1

what do you call it when cigar smokers live together?

map projections

i only know two people who would laugh at this, and i'm one of them. anyone else out there get it?

Thursday, November 10, 2011

and/or snake oil

quoth the lileks:
"Dark matter and dark energy. Things they can’t find, but must exist, because otherwise there’s no explanation for what this happens or this doesn’t. You can marvel at the human ingenuity involved in creating these theoretical constructs, explaining the vast mysteries of the deep; you can also say hmm. Phlogiston."

gag reflex

this month's readers digest has a picture of michelle obama on the cover (with a particularly draculesque hairdo), with a quote saying,
"everything we do must be for our children."
her husband's policies imply the logical followup:
", and everything we spend must be from their children."

coincidence?

two families of evil plastic freaks on tv happen to have the same last name!

their social contract is unwritten

house of eratosthenes explains
"(the occupy movement) lusts for a glorious day in which it emerges as the top dog, which is an upcoming revolution, and it does all of its smaller things by means of smaller revolutions. If you want something, you immobilize something else until such time as someone is bludgeoned and browbeaten into giving you what you want. Annoyance is the new coin of the realm. If you want a hot dog, you annoy somebody. If you want a place to put up your tent and crash for the night, you annoy somebody. If you want a job, you annoy somebody. If you want to be heard, you annoy somebody.

And, lately, it seems…if you have the opportunity to be heard and you’re having trouble figuring out what to say…yes, you annoy people until that problem, too, is solved. Just like any other. Any time you find yourself lacking in anything, it must be because someone external to you has not been given the proper motivation, so you find a way to interfere with what they’re trying to do, and then you get what you want...

We’re seeing this alternative, subversive social contract break the surface and getting a good look at it. And we’re seeing how much it stinks. We’re seeing, right in front of our eyes, how a miniature “society” of sorts functions as it operates according to this model. We’re seeing how it leads inexorably to chaos, rancor and despair. The subterranean social contract is being given a “job interview” and it is being found to be lacking."
read it all, including comments

...and this one, and, well, most everything on the site :)

Thursday, November 03, 2011

coining a phrase

the other mccain via dustbury:
hypodrachmaphobia (n)
The fear that somebody else might be making more money than you, triggering a strong urge to covet, followed next by hate and then a compelling need to get a tax law passed that will help redistribute some of that bad, bad capital your way.
there was also a comment there which read:
I have nothing against Michelle Obama on a personal level – nor do I her husband - but the Michelles of the world justify their arrogance and ease their gnawing sense of empty accomplishment by confiscating and redistributing the product of someone else’s labor, innovation or intellect - not for the benefit of the recipient – but because they are angry, frustrated and/or embarrassed that even with their self-anointed superiority the creation of that wealth is beyond their ability to achieve. They, like the reality-show fans, judge their superiority and worth based not on their true accomplishments (or lack thereof) but based on people they presume to be worth less than themselves.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

compare and contrast, yet again

Ann Coulter via Instapundit didn't go far enough...

Herman Cain, African-American:
  • facts so far: a couple of vague accusations of sexual misconduct have been made, with little evidence.
  • media reaction: histrionic wall-to-wall coverage.
Bill Clinton, Caucasian:
  • facts so far: many specific accusations of sexual misconduct have been made.
  • media reaction: repeated denials and claims of Republican witchhunt.
Clarence Thomas, African-American:
  • facts so far: accusations of sexual misconduct were made, which proved false.
  • media reaction: histrionic wall-to-wall coverage.
John Edwards, Caucasian:
  • facts so far: had extramarital affair while his wife was fighting cancer.
  • media reaction: repeated denials and claims of Republican witchhunt.
The obvious conclusion: the media is racist.

If they object, point out how the label is much more correct in this context than when they slander the tea party with it.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

less than meets the eye

"It’s ridiculous to think about “Transformers 3” for more than six seconds", but a couple of minutes reading about why it's ridiculous is quite entertaining.

new quotes

i just added a few quotes about freedom to appear in my subheader from this good source.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

occupy wall street

update 4: today i took a stand that had more actual effect than any of these occupy-ers ever had. when i went to city hall to pay my water bill, i took a good long drink from their water fountain. wooooo stickin it to tha man!

:D

update 3: do i need to draw you a picture?

update 2: dustbury expands on the phenomenon

update & bump: has it occurred to anyone else that we might not be in obama's depression if the "tea party" had gotten the favorable press coverage that the "occupy" is getting?

for fair-and-balanced coverage, the media-infotainment complex needs to come up with a derogatory term for these protestors like they did for the tea party. how about:
  • dirt-baggers
  • the pot party
  • soros-turf
  • left-wing lunatics
  • the maples
  • bloodsucking commies
  • chumps
  • bitter hobos clinging to drugs and chomsky
that being said, i'm just as against "the looters" as they are - it's just ironic/funny/sad/revolting that their whole scheme is being astroturfed by a bunch of looters.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

this is a song of hope

VDH in the House of Eratosthenes:
If in 2004 5.7% unemployment was supposed to mark a “jobless recovery,” what exactly is 9.1% called? If Bush’s average $500 billion deficits over eight years were abhorrent, what must we say of Obama’s average $1.6 trillion over three? Really bad?

Friday, September 30, 2011

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

dawning on america

a few people get it:
Obama is great at math. He divides the country, subtracts jobs, adds debt and multiplies misery.

Lack of leadership, the first-ever federal credit downgrade, a failed debt deal, unemployment nearing record levels, fresh warnings of a double-dip recession, and the most toxic political climate in Washington history ... can you trust President Obama?

The Solyndra scandal continues to unfold, with half a billion taxpayers’ dollars down the drain. What did President Obama know and when did he know it?

For as this radical leftist’s regime has displayed deep red colors from day one, renewed claims of post-racial harmony, a moderate political agenda or murky, feel-good screeds about hope and change will not sell this time around to any but the most rabid of the Obama base.

Three years ago, mouthing vacuous speeches and making vacant promises, Obama lied, schemed and intimidated his way into the White House while his campaign committee of left wing journalists provided critical cover for personal and political histories which would have doomed the candidate had they seeped through the wall of media silence.

I am so tired of Obama big deal plans for the economy that are so poorly conceived they will never pass Congress. Why does he just stay with what he does best, take an expensive vacation.

U.S. Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack told members of the National Restaurant Association on Monday that Americans need to “adjust” their tastes so that they like the kind of food the government believes they should eat and “we have to make sure that what we do is create the appropriate transition.” Can we say “Big Brother” (Moochelle) is “looking out” for our best interests?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

blues how-to

UPDATE & BUMP:
this guy, well this guy ain't followin' rulez,
i said
this guy, now this guy ain't followin' rulez.
he say
"spendin' money on a geetar? aw, that's a game for foolz!"


---

Various versions of this list have been on the internet for many years,
HOW TO PLAY AND SING THE BLUES

1. 82% of Blues songs begin with the words "Woke up this morning..."

2. The next most popular first line in a Blues song is about the singer's spouse or girl/boyfriend, like
"Well I got me a woman..."
3. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you stick something nasty in the next line like
"I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."
4. Writing a complete Blues verse is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then write another line that follows and almost rhymes:
"Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. She look like Janet Reno, and she weigh 800 pound."
5. The Blues is not about choice. If you stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch. There ain't no way out.

6. The only cars that may be in the Blues are American-made: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Other forms of Blues transportation are Greyhound bus or a southbound train. The Blues do not travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle.

7. "Fixin' to die" also plays a major part in the Blues, therefore only adults may sing the Blues. In the Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. Teenagers can not sing the Blues - they ain't fixin' to die yet.

8. Great places to have the Blues include Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City. The Blues can also take place in Texas, the Deep South, and occasionally in New York City. The Blues may not be set in Hawaii, Canada, Scotland, or Estonia. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.

9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall - first off, the lighting is wrong. If your means of travel is restricted, at least go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. on a highway
b. in a jailhouse
c. in an empty bed
d. at a crossroads at midnight
e. at the bottom of a whiskey glass

11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. on a golf course
b. at a gallery opening
c. at an Ivy League college
d. on a ski slope
e. at Neiman Marcus

12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you earned a Doctorate
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

14. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

15. The Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

16. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. stale black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

17. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

18. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Ella
c. Big Mama
d. Bessie
e. River Dumpling

19. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
e. any two initials (preferably the same letter), such as B.B. or J.J.

20. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

21. If you're having trouble making your own Blues name, try this:
a. Name a physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. Add the name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, etc..)
c. Add the last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson.

22. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer you cannot sing the blues.
, but I've spotted a flaw in it.

According to rule 21, "Narcoleptic Papaya Roosevelt" is a valid blues singer's name, and that just can't be right...

Saturday, September 17, 2011

singing in the rain

i don't like musicals, but a few hours ago i really understood this bit

Friday, September 09, 2011

sparks glow in dim bulbs

last year, president hussein produced a few prophetic gold flakes from this slagheap of words about solyndra:
...through the Recovery Act, this company received a loan to expand its operations. This new factory is the result of those loans...

...many in this community are still reeling from the effects of the recession...

...it was all the more painful and heartbreaking because the factory had been held up as an example of how America could lead in manufacturing.

...there’s a ripple effect. It’s not just localized to this area.

the truth of the matter is, is that when you’re in Washington a lot of times all you’re thinking about or all that’s being talked about is politics -- we end up getting caught up in the moment instead of what is important for the future.
of course it has to be taken out of context to extract the truth ;)

---

also, today the old gray mare got something right about sarah palin for once.

Monday, September 05, 2011

revitalization

now that the freedom tower is nearing completion, maybe we can begin some foundation restoration

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A: absolutely nothing

Q: what caused a week-long lack of posts here?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A: a pinched wire

Q: what caused a week-long internet outage at my house?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

A: Yellow Journalism!

Q: What's black and white and not red anymore?

There are those who say that a line of decency has been crossed by Newsweek and Tina Brown's portrayal of Michelle Bachmann, and there are those who say that the sky is made of tangerine gumdrops. I say to both sides today that turnabout is fair play.

Saturday, August 06, 2011

he wasn't talking politics...

...but this sure applies (unfortunately):
A gift, at some level, makes you feel indebted to the givers. Some resent the debt. Then they denigrate the giver. Then they tell themselves it was never a gift at all, but something they were owed.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

a series of jokes: 11

Two fish are sitting in a tank, and one turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Monday, August 01, 2011

a series of jokes: 10

Q: What's green and looks like an iguana?
A: A blue bucket in disguise

Sunday, July 31, 2011

it's alive

it's just momentarily ill:
...How far off are the puppet masters pulling the strings of the usurper in the White House and our deaf representatives from both political parities? We have come full circle…we are again but a collection of colonies wanting representation, but not getting it, needing protection from a foreign invasion, but having the invasion aided by those who should, but do not protect our borders.

Our national seat of government is under siege, our country is in dire straits, and we are without a pulse of representation, but the nation’s lifeblood is in her people, and the nation’s heart beats within our own breasts where the Constitution is indelibly written…and there is where it lives on, not in Washington.
read the rest

update: read also
"For years the guys in Washington ducked the tough choices, leaving them for the future to deal with. Now the future is here. The business-as-usual pols in Washington who created the monster say they can save us from it.... If we get out of the current financial jam, the politicians in Washington will drive straight for the next jam as fast as ever they can."

and this
...

a series of jokes: 09

Q: What's red and looks like a bucket?
A: A blue bucket in disguise

Saturday, July 30, 2011

a series of jokes: 08

Q: What's blue and looks like a bucket?
A: A blue bucket

quote of the weak

to which i say:

The worst six words you can hear at a party are, “Do you watch my talk show?” Talk shows, really, used to be called tantrums, played out by spoiled and fussy narcissists - their faces usually colored in the most lurid hues of red to violet. But now too many people are throwing tantrums, except now they call them talk shows and they’re telling us all how important it is to watch them. It’s like punching you in the eye and then forcing you to say "thanks for showing me all those pretty stars".

Talk shows are the most disgusting, narcissistic, time-wasting developments of the last hundred years (and I’m including the vuvuzela). Everybody ignored your tantrums in 1776, so you never did have the joy of some stranger handing you a cookie.

Friday, July 29, 2011

a series of jokes: 07

Q: What do a grape and a chicken have in common?
A: They're both purple, except for the chicken.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

a series of jokes: 06

Two drugged-out hippies are walking along a train track.

One turns to the other and says, "Wow, these steps are really steep, maaan!"

The other hippie replies, "It ain't the steps that bother me, maaan, it's these low handrails!"

The first one interrupts him to say "Watch out maaan, the elevator's coming!"

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

a series of jokes: 05

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot

Monday, July 25, 2011

a series of jokes: 03

Q. What do Alexander the Great, Ivan the Terrible, and Jimmy the Greek have in common?
A. Same middle name.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

on terror coverage

in the wake of the reports of the motives of the norwegian scum, news coverage of terror attacks clearly now has three mutually-exclusive options:
  1. begin reporting on any or all motives of murderous scum, including leftism and islamofascism,
  2. refuse to report on any or all motives of murderous scum, including rightism and perversions of christianity, or
  3. remain blatantly hypocritical in their anti-american pro-islamist pandering
i expect they'll keep doing #3 as usual

a series of jokes: 02

Q: Why is the sky blue?
A: Because if it were green we wouldn't know where to stop mowing.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

a series of jokes: 01

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

a night of detours

i usually just drive home from work via surface streets, but occasionally take i35w (or 820) northbound. tonight i decided to take 35w, not knowing that its onramp from i30 was closed for construction. so i took the commerce street exit, and found a whole lot more construction & dead-ends downtown.

this may or may not have been my route...

sitting in the middle of sylvania (about where that dot is just north of yucca ave) and staring into my headlights was a black cat, to which i did not yell "you're too late buddy!" :D

Thursday, July 14, 2011

turning gold into lead

"Reading the Declaration of Independence 235 years after it was written, it’s kidney-punchingly obvious that the United States government has become precisely the sort of bloodsucking tyrant against which the Founding Fathers revolted."

short form and long form

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

night shopping

if i had to register a domain name for the person behind me at the checkout tonight, it would be www.ChloeSevignyInScoobyDooPajamas.com

:)

i love it when people don't know how pretty they are...

Fairness in Broadcasting

Earlier, there was much ado about the Fairness in Broadcasting Act. I don't see what was so bad about it. It might have actually resulted in some movies where:
  • intelligent people live in rural areas, and city dwellers are poor inbred layabouts
  • vampires were actually evil, not just misunderstood
  • Michael Moore points out the better side of capitalism
  • members of the clergy remain faithful and avoid doing evil
  • animals do not make wisecracks
  • the profits of Big Media were exposed by some plucky young oilfield workers
  • characters are not defined by their ethnicity
  • neighbors are not wacky
  • the woman does not fall for the "bad boy"
  • fruit carts and glass deliveries are safe from car chases
  • the noble American military saves the world from corrupt environmentalists
It would also require the formation of several new cable channels - one to show movies where the husband recovers from the abusive two-timing wife, one to show obedient children and sensible parents, and more than one to show high-budget computer-animated documentaries about Young-Earth Creationism (preferably voiced by Morgan Freeman).

Friday, July 08, 2011

bad pun alert

in the interest of helping dustbury's commentors keep from gagging, i'll make my horrible pun here:

dustbury posted about odd and undescriptive color names - such as the mud-putty-hued "weekend in the country". one commentor said "dead salmon probably is not a popular item", to which i refrained from responding

...

...

...

"dead salmon is a very popular color in a bear market"

Thursday, July 07, 2011

lbj

okay, maybe obama isn't the worst president in u.s.history (yet) - lbj created a trifecta of quagmires:

Escalation of the Vietnam War
More than 50,000 Americans and many more Vietnamese died as a result of that policy; our country was bitterly divided in ways that still weaken us today, and the economic cost of the war was immense. It contributed to the wave of inflation that shook the country in the 1970s.
The Medicare/Medicaid complex
These entitlement programs are the biggest single financial problem we face. They dwarf all the Bush-Obama wars; they make TARP look like small change. They not only cost money we don’t have — and are scheduled to cost inexorably more until they literally ruin the nation — they have distorted our entire health system into the world’s most bloated and expensive monstrosity. Thanks to these programs, we have a health system that marries the greed of the private sector to the ineptitude of government.
The War on Poverty
Since the Great Society era of Lyndon Johnson, the country has poured hundreds of billions of dollars into poor urban neighborhoods. The violence and crime generated in these neighborhoods costs hundreds of billions more. And after all this time, all this money and all this energy, the inner city populations are worse off than before. There is more drug addiction and more social and family breakdown among this population than when the Great Society was launched.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

inquiring minds want to know

no, not "how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop" - these are questions for the brocko bomber:
How come you haven't made unemployment illegal?

Instead of making cars get 62 mpg, why not 62 million mpg? Also, do something about the gravitational constant.

Are you smart enough to create a problem so big that even you could not solve it?

Is this question racist?

Why do you need permission to be clear, and not need permission to bomb Libya?

When your economic advisors hold policy meetings, do they stuff a towel at the bottom of the door?
and many many more

Monday, July 04, 2011

happy 235th

"We shouldn’t limit our reading or understanding of this document for anniversaries such as today."

update: this should apply internationally...

Saturday, July 02, 2011

not just "kind of a..."

...and in related news, mark halperin also apologized to viagra users everywhere, for comparing their... small problem... to the worst president in u.s. history.

...also, our previous president is still waiting for about 3,930,000 apologies.

one flipped beatle

john lennon, republican?!?

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Friday, June 17, 2011

on the road again

going on another cross-texas trip for the next nine days. so at least that's an excuse for posting sporadically...

a little bit before i leave: parker brothers choppers are building a tron light cycle irl

did i do thaaaaat?

i commented here, and two posts later lileks wrote this sentence:
"it’s not important to know what they mean, but it give a sense of period without saying “everyone wore hats like it was hat day in Hatville. I needed a drink.”

Come to think of it, I like that line."
coincidence?!?

...

...

probably...

Friday, June 10, 2011

now that's funny

...and by funny, i mean pathetic
Iran's Ambassador to the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) Ali Asghar Soltanieh has criticized the regulatory authority over its handling of Japan's nuclear crisis.

“The poor and slow response by the [IAEA] secretariat, and particularly the director general, with regards to the Fukushima nuclear crisis is really disappointing,” he was quoted as saying by IRNA on Wednesday.
...and in related news, an anonymous hatless spokesman stated that “The poor and slow response by the international community with regards to the Iranian nuclear crisis is really disappointing.”

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Sharkey's Enforcers

is "to protect and serve" becoming just another ugly face of obama's "transparency in government"?

coronal mass ejection

of course the giant nuclear furnace we are orbiting has nothing to do with global warming

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Sharkey's Gang

vdh notices a pattern:
"...Whether Strauss-Kahn or Weiner or Gore (or "U2 not W2" Bono or Geithner or Marie Obamanette or Fannie Frank or Schwarzenegger or Edwards or..., ad nauseam, ed.), the common denominator is arrogance and a sense of exemption from the rules and protocols...

...Collectively, they represent a self-appointed... global elite that oversees, (sanctimoniously) lectures about... the ethical responsibilities of the redistributive state..."
previously, isaiah noticed a similar pattern...

Plessy & Ferguson

instapundit linked to this - i'll link to this:
The arbitrary separation of citizens on the basis of race while they are on a public highway is a badge of servitude wholly inconsistent with the civil freedom and the equality before the law established by the Constitution. It cannot be justified upon any legal grounds.

If evils will result from the commingling of the two races upon public highways established for the benefit of all, they will be infinitely less than those that will surely come from state legislation regulating the enjoyment of civil rights upon the basis of race.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Sunday, June 05, 2011

meaningless book recommendations

from personal experience, i'd recommend that you don't read books about quantum physics right after reading ecclesiastes...

Friday, June 03, 2011

finally, i get it

No, not a promotion. Today I realized that for many years, I have been misunderstanding one particular word.

When reading the sentence "Promotions are performance-based" in our company's policy statement, I assumed that the word "performance" referred to job performance, as in the proficiency in performing the duties and tasks of the position. But the recent promotion of an under-performing suck-up made me realize that in this context, the word "performance" must obviously refer to an acting performance, such as a charade, a patent-medicine sales pitch, or a dog-and-pony show.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

it's a conspiracy

IMAO in Pajamas:
"Saying that man didn’t land on the moon, that Bush caused 9/11, or that Obama knows what he’s doing aren’t simply other opinions — they’re false and destructive ideas, and the people who cling to them border on mental illness."
read it all

Monday, May 30, 2011

the persistence of mysticism

via the Jungle Hut:
"If myth is a view of reality invented exclusively by the human mind, then by definition, atheism is a myth."

Saturday, May 28, 2011

price gouging?

investigations probably aren't necessary, but if they happen, oil companies shouldn't be first...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

forever lame



(i made this free to share. copy it as much as you like, just please don't claim it's your own work)

"april showers bring may flowers"

...but around here, may showers bring tornadic hook echoes on radar. One of those hooks passed directly over my house in north Fort Worth a little before 8pm this evening.

There was no tornado or hail at my house, just some weird start-stop-start rain and winds, and a great opportunity to video several layers of clouds going in every direction simultaneously.

Others were not so lucky; some nearby, some farther away.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

"after a while he began to go mad"

lileks:
It’s said that the problems of humanity can be traced by the inability of man to sit alone in a room with his own thoughts; in my case it’s always been my inability to sit in an office for any protracted period of time, particularly if there’s a poster on the wall of a kitten depending from a branch: Hang In There ‘Til Friday. No! I will not! I reject your calendrical bromides intended to give the worker drones a cheap palliative and make them concentrate their life towards the moment when the obligation to produce ceases.
!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

unfortunate

at the restaurant yesterday, my cookie should have read "if incense is the only thing you smell here, suspect a cover-up."

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Mike Rowe calls 'em

getting America back to work

(and maybe some of his words will not go ignored inside the beltway...)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Saturday, May 07, 2011

offensive to moose limbs

(very very nsfw)

so i pulled down my post about the death of osama bin laden, thinking it might have been to offensive. iowahawk more than made up for that with these three posts.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

unreasonable search and seizure

updates via makezine blog:

sony's database was hacked, again.

tomtom sells gps data to cops.

---

michigan police can scan your phone without your consent.

iphones & ipads track you automatically.

two more reasons i will never own any of those products.

Monday, April 25, 2011

"king of the world!"

not in the dicaprio sense, but in the cagney sense...

compare and contrast

something i have in common with lileks sr.:
"he’d rather drive. Really: he’s never happier. A wheel, an engine, a road..."
something i do not have in common with lileks sr.
"There’s not a moment in his day he thinks “I could be on a computer, doing things.” Because he’s out, doing things."

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

dreamland 2

last night i dreamed i had to go back in time to rescue some artifacts from the early history of electronic music, including an analog sequencer and a laserdisc of wendy carlos' soundtrack to tron.

when i got to work today, bill and ted's excellent adventure was on tv, and an amazon order had been delivered to my desk, which included a dvd of both tron movies.

coincidence?
.
.
.
.
yes.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

not stuck in an closet with vanna white*

I try not to dream-blog much, and I wouldn't have blogged last night's dream except for the way it... ended... you'll see...

---

At the beginning of last night's dream, my sister called me to explain that she and her husband had needed to fly to England suddenly for some emergency. She was in too much of a hurry to explain; she just wanted me to take her minivan to go pick up my nieces and drive to meet them there.

So I drove my car over to their house, but their van wasn't there. It also wasn't at any of the other usual places like their office, church, or anywhere else I could think of. After looking around town a little more, I stopped at a convenience store to use a pay phone. Just as I got out, their minivan pulled up beside the building and honked. My nieces and another girl were in the back, and Zooey Deschanel* was driving.

She had already picked up my nieces from school, so I got in the front passenger's side. As she drove, she told me that my sister had called and explained the situation: an anonymous call had been made to my sister pleading with her to mediate a crisis at a Unitarian church in Hirtshireville (not a real town as far as i know), England.

We drove for a long long time - through Bryan TX, Houston TX, Memphis TN, and Washington DC. The kids got very restless on the way, and we had to stop often.

(Of course, all of you know as I do that it would be impossible to get from north Texas to central England only by driving. My subconscious placed the town in an imaginary England vaguely in the vicinity of Newfoundland.)

When we arrived in the cathedral parking lot, my sister was just leaving, so my nieces went with her while Zooey and I walked in to meet with the assistant bishop. In a small office in the back, he explained to us that the previous bishop had retired, and one particular bishop wanted to take over the cathedral without any discussion, but the assistant wanted to confront him and force him to call for an election. Somehow, Zooey knew of a legal loophole to fix everybody's problems, but couldn't explain it to us (for our own safety) - we just had to hide out in the back while she fixed the problem. She walked out and the assistant locked the door and blocked it with a chair.


Then I woke up...


and went back to sleep...


and dreamed the entire trip again...


except...



...at various moments during the second trip, we discussed ways for us to improve the course of events for everyone involved. We remembered to pick up more games for the kids, we avoided a traffic jam in Memphis, we helped the assistant maintain his anonymity better, etc...

?!?!?!?!

---

* Weird Al is partially to blame for the title of this post. Dustbury's Zooeypaloozas are partially to blame for the dream ;)

p.s. the whole thing was g-rated

hijacked email

update: i just set up another email for comments from here. so i'm un-top-posting this.

---

somebody has been sending out spam using the email address i use for comments here, and hotmail has now blocked the account (frustrating but understandable).

1) i apologize if you get a spam with my address.

2) i won't be reopening that address, so if you sent anything since march i probably didn't receive it. please use comments here until i set up another address for hatless in hattiesburg.

3) this is not near as frustrating as a previous hijacking...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

stating the obvious...

...in a world not inclined to hear such things:
Pastor Jones (notorious koran burner) lives in the United States, not Afghanistan; that we enjoy the protection of the First Amendment... it is not Pastor Jones’ fault that Muslims are so frickin’ deranged as to go all apesquat over the burning of a copy of the Koran and that their doing so pretty much proves his point.


update: see also

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Friday, April 01, 2011

chiropractic care

i have now personally seen chiropractors who believe in their profession at five levels. the numbers i assigned are according to hierarchy of belief, but are arranged for effect, not in chronological or numerical order.

4) the skeletal system should be aligned so that the body can move properly

3) nerves pinched by a misaligned spine can cause pain (plus #4)

2) nerves pinched by a misaligned spine will prevent the body from healing itself properly (plus #3 & #4)

1) the *only* cause of *all* physical disease is nerves pinched between misaligned vertebrae (plus #2, #3, & #4)

5) skeletal system pain is a source of steady income (assisted by insurance, workers comp, and pamphlets about the other four)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

can you fix a cfl?

this site suggests (in slightly-broken english) it is sometimes possible to fix a compact fluorescent lightbulb (via makezine)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Libyan No-Fly / Police Action / War / Airshow / ...?

so is this a bad time to bring up the phrases:

"warmongering cowboy"
"no blood for oil"
"dissent is patriotic"

?

at least when bush mobilized the armed forces, he had a goal in mind...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

common ground

it's not often i agree with a leftist-socialist-labor site, but this is one: stop rfid.

and this post brings up problems surrounding "who owns science".

things to remember

two quotes from many via the jakarta globe:
"The timing is not right for political decisions and the spreading of panic," Slovenia's President Danilo Turk told reporters while on a visit to the Czech capital Prague.

"Please don't forget that there are people who are working to protect everyone's lives in exchange for their own lives," said one post on Japanese social networking site Mixi.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

just raised that way

Viewpoint:
"Most people... agree that the behavior and views of Mr. Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church are contemptible and not deserving of the respect of decent people. Many commentators and cartoonists have reviled and mocked them in print, not just for their awful behavior at funerals, but for the beliefs they hold about homosexuality and American decadence.

But here's an interesting thing. The Westboro baptists are on the fringe of American Christianity, but they're roundly condemned for holding views that are actually in the mainstream of American Islam.

Whether it's their conviction that God hates homosexuals, or that God rejoices in the deaths of American soldiers, or that America is a fundamentally decadent society which deserves to be destroyed, there are a lot of devout Muslims in this country who would fervently assent to all of these."

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

just born that way*

There's a popular claim that homosexuals should not be ridiculed because they were "just made that way" and had no choice of their sexual preference. So why aren't homophobes accorded the same courtesy, since they were also "just made that way" and had no choice of their sexual aversions?

(*according to the world. some of us were taught better.)

the fall of civilization

maybe:
"The Unanswered Question remains "Why did this cultural collapse happen?" We know that it did, we know that the leaders of Western countries completely lacked foresight, insight, patriotism and concern for their national identities. We know they were willing to open wide the borders of their countries to allow in the hordes. We know all of this, and much more. But we don't know WHY. If the West hates itself, where did this self-hatred come from, what is its source? Was it the shattering events of '68 that brought about an irreversible rupture with the past? Yes it was, but we still don't know why the leaders and the people let it happen. We went to bed one night with our traditions still strong, our values seemingly imperishable. And we woke up in a totally transformed world, the world upside down as some call it."
or maybe not...

another video

...and the winner of the "best use of stock photos in support of environmentalism" category is...

Monday, March 07, 2011

fred vs paul

love vs hate

3/4 time in a bottle

at a chinese buffet today which i do not frequently... um... frequent, the background music was in a style i call "mantovani strings". that may be an incorrect name, but i associate those lush orchestrations of the soundtracks of the fifties through seventies with dad's easy-listening am-fm stations and eight-track tapes back when i was young. of the few oldies i recognized were "tammy's in love", "sound of music", something like "those magnificent men in their flying machines" and some french-sounding filler music that could have been from the 1956 "around the world in eighty days".

there were a few new additions though. in that same easy style were "the rose", "for your eyes only", some nondescript sitcom theme from the seventies, and chicago's "glory of love". but then there was the beatle's "hey jude" and berlin's "take my breath away" - both of which lost a lot in translation.

those reminded me of an ongoing expectation of mine: to someday hear ozzy ozbourne's "no more tears" in a commercial for johnson's baby shampoo, soundgarden's "i awake" for some motel chain's commercial, and nin's "down in it" in a department store elevator.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

The Thin Chalk Line

One of the polite quotes from this article is:
"Instead of chanting slogans in Madison, maybe it's time for Wisconsin teachers to take refresher lessons from their non-union counterparts in the Lone Star State."
A less-polite question is: "Why do union teachers in Wisconsin hate black students?"

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

March 2nd

Happy 175th Birthday Republic of Texas!

i also declared independence exactly ten years ago, and that had mixed results too...

the downward spiral

in which i ask two questions that are answered at zomblog:

1) when will we realize that the militant left has no sense of decency?

2) where's all the people who shout "separation of church and state"?

driving me crazy

this is funnier than this

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

remind me...

why are we supposed to care more about lindsay lohan's and charlies sheen's... misadventures... than about the problems of some guy that lives downtown in an abandoned entryway behind a bus stop?

Monday, February 28, 2011

libya problem

after you read this nyt article, i'll ask one question:
BENGHAZI, Libya — Colonel Muammar el-Qaddafi’s forces struck back on three fronts on Monday, using fighter jets, special forces units and regular army troops in an escalation of hostilities that brought Libya closer to civil war...

An international campaign to force Colonel Qaddafi from power gathered pace on Monday as the Obama administration announced it had seized $30 billion in Libyan assets and the European Union adopted an arms embargo and other sanctions. As the Pentagon began repositioning Navy warships to support a possible humanitarian or military intervention, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton bluntly told the Libyan leader to surrender power “now, without further violence or delay.”
i'd like to see all tyrants disappear, the violent ones like (q/kh/g)addafi quicker than others. but which law allows obama to seize his assets, and does that seizure constitute a declaration of war?

it's a free country

or not

Thursday, February 24, 2011

those who are ruled can now communicate

the title is one comment from this article about worldwide upheaval:
"The fateful quarter-century leading up to the World War I was a time when the world of Privilege still existed in Olympian luxury and the world of Protest was heaving in its pain, its power, and its hate. The age was the climax of a century of the most accelerated rate of change in history, a cataclysmic shaping of destiny.

Sound familiar?"

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

it'll never happen 2

i wish there were some laws that would make our nations roads safer, or some kind of governmental authority to enforce safe driving - and i'm not talking about those few agents patrolling empty roads to collect a velocity tax.

Monday, February 21, 2011

"the fate of individual freedom in a neo-collectivist age"

Roger Kimball:
"At least since LBJ and his preposterously misnamed “Great Society” programs, the United States has been lurching down the collectivist path. The government has intruded itself in one aspect of life after the next, always with ruinous results."

Friday, February 18, 2011

if you can't say something nice,

say something funny

so basically

after my vacation around the sturgis area and having watched many american chopper reruns, i'm starting to think that biker culture - except for actual gang members - has mostly devolved into one perpetual "easy rider" cosplay.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

a better valentines day thought

it's about time to revamp my previous practical valentines post:
Here's a great idea for Valentine's Day:

Give your "significant other" potatoes.

Let's take some time to rethink the common Valentine's Day gifts. First, there's roses. Their only purpose is to be pretty, and they only last about a week or two. Giving roses is like saying "My love for you is fleeting, and based solely on your appearance". Roses reinforce that message of fickleness by 1) twisting in the wind, and 2) wilting if not pampered. Roses also have thorns, and you probably do not want your significant other associating you with "pain" any more than he/she already does.

Next, there's chocolates. They may be well-received at first, but the risks of weight gain and health problems outweigh the benefits. Also, since 97% of the population is on some diet or another, the consumption of chocolate may lead to guilt issues about food. Those guilt issues could fester in other ways, and your "sweetie" may become addicted to guilty pleasures - anything from shoplifting to secret office affairs to drug smuggling - none of which contribute to a happy home.

Lingerie? No way! That's as insulting as saying "I don't like how your body looks - please cover it up." (Trivia: The word "lingerie" is the ancient French word for "paint job".)

Now think about potatoes. They last much longer than flowers, and are more nutritious and wholesome than chocolates. Potatoes are durable and do not melt in the sun. Even when left unattended, they will often actually sprout and grow. That part alone makes it a good symbol, but there's more! Potatoes are far more useful than almost any other gift (except appliances, which everyone knows should never be mentioned before Presidents' Day).

There are many ways to enjoy potatoes! You can:
  • let them grow in a cup of water in your windowsill
  • use them to copy simple graphics
  • peel them, mash them, julienne them
  • boil them, bake them, fry them
  • make chips from them
  • play games with them (okay, just two games, "mr potato head" and "toss")
  • make a battery with them
Giving your loved one potatoes is like saying "I have many ways in which I show my love for you". You just can't do any of those things with flowers or candy (except for tossing them). Potatoes are roots, which reminds your significant other of the deep-rooted-ness of your love. And although potatoes may not be as visually attractive as flowers, they are still wonderful. The gift of potatoes says "It doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you".

If and If Not

One line of this just popped into my head, so I expanded on the idea to rewrite the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling from a pessimist/realist viewpoint:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
You should start looking for a better job.

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
Congratulations! You'd be a great politician.

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
Try running on the Republican ticket.

If you can dream, and not make dreams your master;
If you can think, and not make thoughts your aim;
Stick with the thinking.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
Ask your doctor for some anti-anhedonia medication.

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
You'll have no problem watching CNN.

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
Stop, learn from your mistakes, and move on.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
Please seek help for gambling addiction.

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
Try out for the next season of "Survivor".

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
You must be living under a rock.

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Instead of "Survivor", try out for the track team.

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And — which is more — you're a fictitious character,
And do not have to suffer fools like I do!

a valentines day thought

"We cannot get out. We cannot get out. They have taken the bridge and Second Hall. Frár and Lóni and Náli fell there bravely while the rest retr . . . Mazarbul. We still . . . but hope u . . . Óin’s party went five days ago but today only four returned. The pool is up to the wall at West-gate. The Watcher in the Water took Óin - we cannot get out. The end comes soon. We hear drums, drums in the deep . . . They are coming"

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Saturday, February 05, 2011

it'll never happen

but it's an interesting idea:
"(Let the US buy Mexico) and en masse, move Israel to the Yucatan peninsula. It lacks the Biblical back-story, but it gets one of the USA’s stoutest allies out of the middle of the Musselman basket of snakes, lets those hunyaps rip each other’s guts out."
p.s. i'd never heard the word "hunyap" before, but i can guess what it means. the closest sounding word i knew was "honyock", which means an otherwise intelligent person who does something uncharacteristically stupid.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

egypt interests

update: Lileks on the abysmal coverage of the riots in Egypt:

"Here’s the problem:

I can’t stop watching the live feed on Al-Jazeera. I’ve watched dawn break on Liberation Square in the last half hour, watched Molotov cocktails arc across the screen, the thin bands of “pro-Mubarak protestors” – goons, in other words, security forces in street garb – heaving stones at the protestors...

Nothing on DirecTV covers the story. Nothing. CNN at this moment has Piers Morgan – who? WHO? – interview Baba Fargin’ Wawa about something or other, which is like cutting into the news of the Iranian revolution to grill Hedda Hopper about her favorite interviews.

Oh, update: CNN is now showing a video of events in Cairo at 4:45 AM, because they’re replaying the Piers Morgan show. I don’t know what Barbara Walters is saying about it, and I couldn’t care less.

Okay, I turned the volume up. She was talking about the protests but now she’s back to discussing her early career... I have a dish on the roof talking to a satellite in space, and I can’t pull down one channel covering this. I wonder how many other people are stabbing the remote, thinking hey, I’d like to see the story covered. It’s got to be somewhere between these 47 juicer informercials and preconception-reinforcing talk-shows.

...National and international news has to be updated hourly, or it’s still fishwrap. Without the added functionality of, you know, actual fishwrap."


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update & bump: here's more insight

this is one of the few articles i could find that was more concerned with the big picture of what's currently happening in egypt than that country's internet cutoff.

office space

You mean there's someone else out there who has to deal with unfair complaints from co-workers? Inconceivable!

Lileks handled a banal assignment with intelligence and humor, and...
"...received a substantial dressing-down for not following orders and carrying out my assignments, and held my tongue throughout. There are moments in life when you sit there and take it, because there’s only one response possible and it would just spoil everything, forever, permanently. The sort of response that burns working relationships down to the ground and salts the earth.

I actually replayed that event in my head today, and tried to remember what I wanted to say. I was glad I did not say it. But let’s just say that was the last time I got assigned to a banal, straight-news story that involved going out and talking to someone.

Ever unloaded on someone at work? Come to think of it, I never have. The few times someone’s taken me to task I’ve either taken it because I deserved it, or because I’m not an Escalator. My instincts are to de-escalate, perhaps because I fear what would happen if plain truths were spoken with bounteous gusto. Or maybe because I’m chicken. Or maybe because I don’t care. A man can live with two out of those three."
My instincts are also to de-escalate, for similar reasons. But, his "moments in life" are my "at least twice a week"...

Friday, January 21, 2011

fair and balanced

update 3: igst asks a similar question,
"Why are 1 million black men marching in DC seen as a culmination of racial pride, but a gathering of a few hundred white people is seen as a slathering mob intent on oppressing others?"


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update & bump 2: why is it that when a radical islamist goes on a shooting spree while shouting "allah akbar!", the media refuses to speculate on his motives, but when a nihilist atheist goes on a shooting spree, the media falsely paints him as a right-wing extremist?

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update & bump 1: just in case you had any doubts of liberal's utter hypocrisy, they are now trying to ban "threatening symbols and language".

i found a related quote in a different story:
"All their talk about “common sense” and a “reasonable middle ground” is just that—talk. It’s a smokescreen to allow them to advance from their beachhead, never to ease back and practice some of that “compromise” they’re continually hitting us over the head with."

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divisive speech criticized by major media outlets:
  • sarah palin, "blood libel"
  • anti-homosexuality speech
  • anti-islamic speech
  • anti-dnc candidate speech
divisive speech not criticized by major media outlets:and certainly not criticized by major media outlets are the actual terrorist actions of any of these people (unless political points could be scored for the left by criticizing them)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

worst. year. ever.

there were only three bright spots:
1. The Yankees did not even get into the World Series.

2. There were several days during which Lindsay Lohan was neither going into, nor getting out of, rehab.

3...
read it all

sorely needed

photoshop etiquette

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

if only it were that easy

imao: "The people who own the money should just be able to say, “I’ve decided to keep that money and spend it myself.”"

Friday, January 14, 2011

on religion

the next time an atheist makes the absurd claim that "religion has caused the most human suffering in world history", ask them how many hospitals were founded by atheists.

Monday, January 03, 2011

i can haz constatooshun?

important document is important

the gratingest story ever told

craig winn via igst:
Simply stated, if we are to believe the Islamic scripture’s portrayal of this “prophet,” Muhammad was the most repulsive, and thus the least qualified, divine messenger in human history. His Qur’an recital serves as proof. By any rational, literary, historic, or moral criterion it is the worst book ever written.
even in a world with "origin of species", "mein kampf", "das kapital", and "the god delusion" in the library, i still have to agree...

random p.s.: when thinking of post titles, grated minds think alike