Tuesday, September 15, 2009

child safety hints

My list of helpful telemarketing hints from five years ago keeps getting hits via google and other search engines. In that spirit of public service, here are some new hints, designed to help today's moms on-the-go.
1) When seated in your vehicle, you may notice that there are several large pieces of glass all around you. These are designed to afford clear visibility to the outside world. When traveling, please use these "windows" to observe the actions and reactions happening all around you.

2) Through all of your vehicle's windows, you might observe other vehicles which appear to be growing larger. You need not be frightened, this is merely a useful illusion, one that indicates you should not get much closer. The speed of this illusion will indicate its importance. Also, it is certainly not safe for your vehicle to move in perpendicular or opposite directions to those other cars at the same time.

3) If you happen to hear a loud sound (such as a "honk"), that is often an indication that a nearby driver thinks that you should get out of his or her way. If it is safe, you should try to get out of his or her way, no matter whether you think the other driver's opinion is justified or not.

4) Please do not be confused by the varied and numerous lights around you; they are designed to help you and your precious cargo travel in safety.

4a) Through the front window, you might observe red lights, either on vehicles or on poles of various design. Please interpret these lights as indications that you need to bring your vehicle to a stop, not as indications of sale specials of limited duration.

4b) Also through the front window, you might observe green lights on poles. These lights generally indicate that it is safe for you to proceed in your travels; please do so in a timely fashion, so that others may enjoy proceeding in theirs.

4c) If you are observant, you will see many other varieties of lights and signs as you travel. Please familiarize yourself with the meanings of these lights and signs, and how to discern which ones represent laws to be obeyed. There are many resources that can help you learn, such as libraries, police and highway departments, and reputable websites. If you refuse to learn, there will be a pop quiz administered by local officers - an expensive quiz that you will fail miserably.

5) Family communication is important, but it is much less important than keeping your children safe. Please refrain from using your cellphone while driving. You might be surprised how difficult it is to communicate over the wail of sirens, or while breathing through a tube.

6) When an event occurs in the back seat which requires your immediate attention, please bring your vehicle to a safe and complete stop out of traffic before attending to that event. If your vehicle continues moving without your full attention, you will soon find your daily routine impacted by unwanted outside events.
(This message inspired by the League of Hurried Shoppers of Southwest Tarrant County.)


The Local Malcontent said...

Monday's commuter traffic WAS that bad, eh??

Very funny (because it's true)~!

Hatless in Hattiesburg said...

saturday's, yes. i've seen worse, but the demographics were more obvious that day. i had to let the idea gel for a bit.


Hatless in Hattiesburg said...

p.s. that link shows a map of the relevant area: the "mall sprawl" that has grown up around hulen mall along i-20, bryant irvin, and s hulen.

of course i was around when ridgmar was fairly new, and directly under the flightpath of b52s out of carswell afb. - http://tinyurl.com/mznp8f

The Local Malcontent said...

hatless, you may have read about my old friend, 'Ooh Ghatleh', Glenn at my place.

Glenn presently lives in some park, hidden away in a tent, in that very area, working at some nearby Subway sandwich place.

thanks for the update, and apologies for the personal sidebar.