TV & Movie Reality

old posts are better than no posts...

1. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of french bread.
2. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
3. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before then. If you find any ammunition lying around, it will be of the proper type and caliber for your weapon.
   
4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
5. Mountains are visible on the horizon from any location in North America.
6. It rains most nights in every city in the world. It rains every night in New York City.
   
7. The deadliest time to be a policeman is one week before retirement.
   
8. If your town is threatened by any disaster, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or a forthcoming art exhibition.
9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
10. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. You can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty, because all ducts are larger than a crouching human body. But beware - there is usually a giant fan at one end with razor sharp blades, no grate, and enough horsepower to shred a person without slowing down.
11. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
12. Most dogs are immortal.
13. All cats are evil.
14. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
15. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - no matter what time of year it is.
16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the refrigerator door and use that light instead.
    
17. Warehouses rarely have electricity. Factories only have power if there is dangerous machinery inside.
    
18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
19. After midnight, parents are easily awakened by the sound of their visiting children pouring milk into a cereal bowl.
    
20. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
21. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few seconds.
23. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
24. All neighbors are either wacky and never knock before entering a room, or homicidal sociopaths who never go outside during daylight hours.
    
25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
26. It does not matter how heavily outnumbered you are in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
27. Bad guys begin laughing strictly according to the hierarchy of their organization, and typically die in the reverse of that order.
28. Since the sixties, only dysfunctional families are allowed to celebrate holidays.
    
29. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage - except on Perry Mason where they almost always die.
30. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
31. Space aliens typically differ from humans only by the shape of their forehead and ears - but should they become ill, medical technology will be unable to even recognize their internal organs.
    
32. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with someone trapped inside.
33. News bulletins that affect you personally are broadcast at the exact second you turn on the TV or radio.
34. Good guys have over 90% shooting accuracy, no matter the degree of difficulty. Bad guys have less than 5% shooting accuracy, no matter their technology level.
    
35. Cars can jump over any object in their path. Most will explode shortly after any collision because their entire structure is filled with gasoline.
    
36. Police Departments make sure all their officers are assigned a partner who is their total opposite. This may be because all police chiefs are perpetually angry caffeine junkies.
    
37. Car tires always squeal during acceleration, braking, or turning corners - even on snow, sand, or wet roads.
    
38. Even in the distant future and other galaxies, all bombs are fitted with large red LED readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. It is impossible to defuse any bomb with more than three seconds on that readout.
39. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
40. Only one person, if any, will be able to see that the girl with glasses is really beautiful.