...and in related news, the school is rumored to start enforcing their zero-tolerance much more strictly, including:
- removing all grass from the playground
- disallowing snow days
- eliminating field trips
- expelling children named Barbie, Benny, Bud, Mary Jane, and Mickey
- removing all pots from the cafeteria kitchen
- replacing all windows and sidewalks that have cracks
- removing the letter "X" from the alphabet
- eliminating the term "acid" from chemistry class
- reducing the speed limit to zero in school zones
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