"Jaws" on Cable

Tom McMahon explains how the iconic shark movie could be adapted to various cable channels.

written by kids for kids

I have no idea whether this book is satire or not, especially since an Err America personality recommends them.

"Why Mommy Is A Democrat"

But given the official mascot of the party, a more accurate title for the book would be "Why Mommy Is A Dumb ***".

I thought of some better sample pages too:

Democrats lie to you whenever they feel like it, just like Mommy does.

Democrats hate America, just like Mommy does.

Democrats want to steal your money, just like Mommy does.

Democrats change the subject if you're winning an argument, just like Mommy does.

Democrats wanted to kill you before you were born, just like Mommy did.

Feel free to add your suggestions for other samples in the comments.

(update/disclaimer: i'm not referring to the few who call themselves 'democrats' but do not share the (un)values of the moveon/dnc lunatics. i'm referring to the party at large, and their corrupt platform.)

website of babel

(when it works), this is a cool way of demonstrating what can go wrong when translating between languages. it trans(muti)lates the previous sentence as "the end is a fresh method to show that what can give return to erroneamente with the translation between the languages."

presidents day

"All hail the aggregate clump of chief executives"! - Lileks:

"I’m old enough to remember when they were but two such Presidents held up for celebration: the Father of Our Country, known for wooden teeth and inability to prevaricate when confronted with arboreal murder, and The Great Liberator, who sat around looking lanky and pensive until he freed the slaves, after which he was shot. Now these titans have been folded in among the mediocrities and place-holders and notable exceptions, and it’s all just a day off.

We also learned about McKinley, since that’s the man after whom our elementary school was named. He was also shot by a guy named Leon Colgate-garglesound, for reasons that were never quite clear."

Maybe one reason the day is celebrated less and less is because of presidential antics like these.

update: ...and if you happen to like Lincoln, these points may trouble you. Of course, I'm no fan of the barbarians from the north.

In his Gettysburg Address, Lincoln employed lofty rhetoric to conceal the truth of our nation's most costly war -- a war that resulted in the deaths of some 600,000 Americans and the severe disabling of over 400,000 more. He claimed to be fighting so that "this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth." In fact, Lincoln was ensuring just the opposite by waging an appallingly bloody war while ignoring calls for negotiated peace. It was the "rebels" who were intent on self-government, and it was Lincoln who rejected their right to that end, despite our Founders' clear admonition to the contrary in the Declaration.

Moreover, had Lincoln's actions been subjected to the terms of the Fourth Geneva Convention (the first being codified in 1864), he and his principal military commanders, Gen. William T. Sherman heading the list, would have been tried for war crimes. This included waging "total war" against not just combatants, but the entire civilian population. It is estimated that Sherman's march to the sea was responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of civilians.

...Lincoln's own words undermine his hallowed status as the Great Emancipator. For example, in his fourth debate with Stephen Douglas, Lincoln argued:

"I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races -- that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race."

...Little reported and lightly regarded in our history books is the way Lincoln abused and discarded the individual rights of Northern citizens. Tens of thousands of citizens were imprisoned (most without trial) for political opposition, or "treason," and their property confiscated. Habeas corpus and, in effect, the entire Bill of Rights were suspended.

In fact, the Declaration of Independence details remarkably similar abuses by King George to those committed by Lincoln: the "Military [became] independent of and superior to the Civil power"; he imposed taxes without consent; citizens were deprived "in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury"; state legislatures were suspended in order to prevent more secessions; he "plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people...scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation."

Some emancipator, he.

it's a riot

At Father Dan:

15,000 atheists in London rioted after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.

(I don't recommend following the link.)

That's almost as funny as the atheists I know whose position is best summarized as "being mad at God for not existing".

Spacemonkey For Governor!

Looks like The Flying Space Monkey is going to run for governor of Alabama, with the campaign slogan, "Alabama can do a lot worse than me." This slogan is true - Kinky Friedman would be a lot worse.

It should be obvious why I'll never run for public office - I can't throw my hat into the ring...

can't wait to buy the book

Power Line says:

Austin Bay reports that an intercepted al Qaeda letter admits the terrorists' "East Asia, Europe, America, Horn of Africa, Yemen, Gulf and Morocco groups have fallen, and Pakistan has almost been drowned in one push."

and speculates:

It seems obvious to me that we have won huge, but unreported, victories over al Qaeda during the past four years, and that this is a large part of the reason why there have been no successful attacks inside the United States. Someday, no doubt, the story will be told. I suspect that when that happens, a lot of the administration's unrelenting critics will feel rather silly.

man! i festo!

Finally, a manifesto that makes sense! Intergalactic Source of Truth's Western Manifesto is a must-read, and I won't steal any of the thunder of the whole piece by including quotes. GO. READ. NOW.

to the president, about ports

President Bush, why start vetoing now?

"Bush, who has yet to veto a bill during his administration, warned that the United States is sending "mixed signals" by attacking a Middle Eastern company after the ports were run by a British firm for several years.

Lawmakers who have called for the deal to be blocked need to "step up and explain why a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard," he said."

The explanation should be obvious, two phrases that you yourself brought into everyday use: "WAR ON TERROR" and "HOMELAND SECURITY". Remember those? If you need more explanation, please let Michelle Malkin explain it further.

update 1: Lileks takes a somewhat softer tone on the topic.

update 2: Varifrank takes a drastically softer tone.

iran's plans

it's not a pretty picture for the next couple of months.

update 1: here's a related pic.

update 2: this should tell us something.

update 3: starting to get the picture?

sellout

In response to the brilliant (not) idea of selling American ports to the UAE, the Washington Times asks:

Do we really want (six of) our major ports in the hands of an Arab country where al Qaeda recruits, travels and wires money?

and Schumer gets something right, for once:

Sen. Chuck Schumer, New York Democrat, among others, is asking tough questions about this deal.

as every real American should be doing.

fatback fatwa

Islamofascists vow to destroy the universe for the impure images it portrays! :)

(definitely a work-safe page, unless you work in a mosque)

---

update: On a more serious note, read this great bit at GM's Corner, which includes these lines:

"Drawings of Mohammad have been made for hundreds of years, commissioned usually by other Muslims. However, that seems to be a moot point. Instead, we are treated to video of death and destruction, the burning of the Danish Embassy, Denmark advising its people to flee the Middle East in general, and Pakistan in particular and even plastic statues of good old Ronald McDonald being torched. This is a culture I'm supposed to respect?

The mentality of those in the mob is not questionable! It is, actually, bizarre. What other culture would brandish signs saying "Behead the cartoonists," or offer million dollar bounties for the death of a cartoonist (apparently too ignorant to understand that there were a dozen different artists involved)? And yet, and yet, we are being asked to "understand" that they have been insulted, that they have had their sacred religion mocked, and that our inability to "understand" is akin to another holocaust. It strains the fabric of rationality."

"Much has been written regarding the failure of European countries to allow assimilation of Muslims into their society and in part, that may be true. But I think another part of this equation needs to be an honest acknowledgement that Muslims (many? most?) do not want to integrate into the society into which they have moved."

"Tolerance is a two way street. Those who do not grant it, have no right to demand it."

Read the whole thing.

archimedes does it again!

Wikipedia's pic of the day is pretty cool. The Falkirk Wheel is a huge rotating boat lift in Scotland. Not living within 500 miles of a canal, I never knew such things existed.

30 silver euros

Lileks wonders about those leftards who trash America on foreign soil:

Why do American politicians of the Democratic flavor take such solemn pleasure in trashing their country before foreign audiences? Is there some upcoming election for Global Emperor, with all the primaries in Arab nations?

Never mind Jimmy Carter, who can be counted on to bad-mouth the United States regardless of the venue. No, it's guys like Bill Clinton and Al Gore who truly mystify. The speaker's fees can't be that great...

It takes a cotton-candy-headed progressive who believes that a weak America will be more loved than a strong one, and hence more successful...

Clinton was in full weather-vane mode in Qatar last month, denouncing the infamous Danish cartoons. "So now what are we going to do?" he asked. "Replace the anti-Semitic prejudice with anti-Islamic prejudice?" Well, if history is a guide, the Europeans can probably multitask and handle both...

Still, that was nothing compared to the utterances at the Jeddah Economic Forum of Clinton's former No. 2, Gore. Whatever wax they use on the Saudis' marble floors, Gore's forehead was shiny with it by the time he was finished.

As an Associated Press account of the speech put it, Gore said Arabs had been "indiscriminately rounded up" and held in "unforgivable" conditions. Yes, indeed: The infamous internment of September 2001, when the government indiscriminately shoveled millions into camps ringed with flaming trenches. Or "FDR-villes," as they were known, in deference to the strategy's founding father...

It would be wrong, of course, to suggest that they're just fond of the 30 pieces of silver they get for showing up. They're probably paid in euros.

or oil vouchers...

thanks michelle!

i had no intention of stealing michelle malkin's thunder, but this blog is the number one sbc/yahoo search result for "i'd rather go hunting with dick than driving with ted"!

slander, libel, or treason?

Muhammad "I invented dhimmitude" alGore needs to shut up or be shut up, along with the rest of the DNCowardly traitors.

Now.

By any means necessary.

--

UPDATE: define 'news':

A former Vice-President and Presidential candidate is paid by Osama bin Laden’s family to make an anti-American speech, in Saudi Arabia.

The current Vice-President injures a friend in a hunting accident.

1) Guess which story is still at the top of Google news today?

2) Which story has almost 3 times as many Google hits as the other?

3) Which story got at least 6 articles in the NY Times, versus none?

4) Which got at least 4 mentions fron CNN, and which was totally ignored?

poor little ol' helen

Helen Thomas has grilled Republican presidents for decades, but she sure can't take any uncomfortable questions herself.

Don't ya just love the smell of grilled hypocrite?

it's ipod time for me

nothing brightens my day more than being subjected to hearing today's episode of my coworkers' ongoing saga of ridding their houses of cat urine stains. gaaahh :P

strong constitution

Via MacStansbury, Judge Scalia rips 'living constitution' apologists:

"That's the argument of flexibility and it goes something like this: The Constitution is over 200 years old and societies change. It has to change with society, like a living organism, or it will become brittle and break."

"But you would have to be an idiot to believe that," Scalia said. "The Constitution is not a living organism, it is a legal document. It says something and doesn't say other things."

Proponents of the living constitution want matters to be decided "not by the people, but by the justices of the Supreme Court."

"They are not looking for legal flexibility, they are looking for rigidity, whether it's the right to abortion or the right to homosexual activity, they want that right to be embedded from coast to coast and to be unchangeable," he said.

Jack Lewis goes on to comment:

A document that "bends" with the culture does little good when that elasticity is completely controlled by judges who live and work in a completely different culture than the people their decision affect...

But the philosophy of a "living document" becomes an open door to a power grab by a despotic oligarchy of judges. And we have seen that happen right before our eyes.

As an aside, why am I suddenly remembering the name "Living Bible"?

no way, ted!

yes way, bill!

check out this hands-on interface.

um, wow!

about 40

random thoughts over the last few weeks surrounding my 40th birthday:

i really appreciate that my friends and family did not subject me to the public humiliation of having waitstaff sing at me in a restaurant.

i am glad that my co-workers did not festoon me with black armbands and balloons, etc.

i wonder whether anyone else has made it to this age without ever deliberately ingesting tobacco or alcohol (except nyquil).

i wonder whether the phrase "you're as young as you feel" has any meaning. i feel 70 intellectually, 17 emotionally, and 170 when trying to wake up or exercise.

i would like to celebrate my 42nd birthday with an evening of 42.

more dubai than baghdad

now that's what i call a developing country!

"Religion Of Peace" Checklist

(the first section was forwarded and edited. the second section was written by me.)

1) Muslims fly commercial airliners into buildings in New York City. 3000 innocent women, men and children die. No Muslim outrage.

2) Muslim officials block the exit where school girls are trying to escape a burning building because their faces were exposed. Many die. No Muslim outrage.

3) Muslims cut off the heads of three teenaged girls on their way to a Christian school in Indonesia. No Muslim outrage.

4) Muslims murder teachers trying to teach Muslim children in Iraq. No Muslim outrage.

5) Muslims murder over 80 tourists with car bombs outside cafes and hotels in Egypt. No Muslim outrage.

6) A Muslim attacks a missionary children's school in India. Kills six. No Muslim outrage.

7) Muslims slaughter hundreds of children and teachers in Beslan, Russia. Muslims shoot children in the back. No Muslim outrage.

8) In 1972, Muslims kidnap and kill athletes at the Munich Summer Olympics. No Muslim outrage.

9) Muslims fire rocket-propelled grenades into schools full of children in Israel. No Muslim outrage.

10) Muslims attack London subways and busses, murdering 50 commuters and injuring over. No Muslim outrage.

11) Muslims massacre dozens of innocents at a Passover Seder. No Muslim outrage.

12) Muslims murder innocent vacationers in Bali. No Muslim outrage.

13) Muslim newspapers publish anti-Semitic cartoons. No Muslim outrage.

15) Muslims beat the charred bodies of Western civilians with their shoes, then hang them from a bridge. No Muslim outrage.

16) Muslim papers depict Jesus carrying the cross as "working out" for exercise. No Muslim outrage.

17) Newspapers in Denmark and Norway publish cartoons depicting Mohammed. Now Muslims are outraged.

---

...and in related news:

1) Arch-Democrat Ted Kennedy kills Mary Jo Kopechne at Chappaquiddick, runs away, and his cronies conspire to cover up the incident. No Democratic outrage.

2) Dozens of people, including Vince Foster, who are involved with the Clinton administration die due to 'unexplained circumstances'. Bill and Hillary are 'less than forthcoming' with information on the many incidents. No Democratic outrage.

3) Democratic operatives forge documents to discredit our President during wartime. No Democratic outrage.

4) Democratic operatives leak sensitive national security documents during wartime. No Democratic outrage.

5) Democratic media operatives actively report all setbacks in the war on terror, and only grudgingly report any successes, thereby giving aid and comfort to the enemy during wartime. No Democratic outrage.

6) Vice President Cheney accidentally shoots a friend during a hunting trip, and does not immediately announce his resignation. Now Democrats are outraged.

fakir mohammed

Noahware found this explanation of the fanaticism that surrounds the also-ran non-prophet that has caused civilization so much trouble for so many centuries.

And on a lighter note: Fatwa this! (excessive rudeness, typical of fark.com)

Good News in South Dakota

SD House Approves Abortion Ban

practical valentine

update 1: Mish Mash has better (?) ideas of how to celebrate the day.

update 2: ...and a poem.

---

For the guys and gals out there who need giftgiving tips for their sweetie this upcoming Valentine's Day, here's a . . . novel . . . idea.

(expanded upon an idea in a forwarded email) :

Here's a helpful hint for this Valentine's Day: Give your significant other potatoes instead of roses.

Think about roses - they only last about a week, maybe two weeks max if you leave them in water. Their only purpose is to be pretty, so that's like saying "My love for you is fleeting, and based solely on your appearance". Roses twist in the wind, which implies fickleness. Roses also have thorns, and you probably do not want your significant other associating you with "pain" any more than he/she already does.

Now think about potatoes - they last for much much longer, and not only will they not rot, they will actually sprout and grow, even without any attention. That part alone makes it a good symbol, but there's more! Potatoes are actually useful. There are many ways to enjoy potatoes:

• you can peel them
• you can boil them, bake them, fry them, and mash them
• you can julienne them
• you can make chips from them
• you can plant them and grow more
• you can let them grow in a cup of water in your windowsill
• you can use them to copy simple graphics
• you can play games with them (okay, just two games, "mr potato head" and "toss")
• you can even make a battery with them!

That's like saying "I have many ways in which I show my love for you". You just can't do any of those things with roses (except for perhaps tossing them). Potatoes are roots, which reminds your significant other of the deep-rooted-ness of your love. And although potatoes may be ugly, they're still wonderful, so that's like telling your significant other "It doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you".

good news in china

Chinese net users are circumventing the Google-enabled web content filters.

i'm sure they'll deny that too

Islam's Role in the Holocaust

letter to the editor

The Therapist, on artistic responsibility. The key concept:

I’ve repeatedly seen my God put to the rack in the artistic arena. I’ve seen Him smeared with human feces for artistic effect. I’ve seen Him dropped in a vat of the artist’s urine and photographed with a backlit aura—only to receive increased federal funding from the NEA. I’ve seen Him portrayed in cinema as a hapless, Hollywood-caliber nitwit without resurrective power. I’ve seen Him crucified as an incoherent hippie—complete with a Superman sweatshirt.

I’ve also seen the same, high-profile defenders of such rubbish do their dead-level best to throw a two-by-four into the spokes of Mel Gibson’s private life, merely because he dared to portray the crucifixion for what it was—a brutal setup by politicians and weak leaders not unlike those who’ve funded the heretofore listed pieces of garbage. Yet, somehow, those of us who have been offended by such things appear to have overcome the base desire to torch Martin Scorcese’s house, or run Andre Serrano through a textile shredder.

But let some marginally-creative hack stick a finger in Mohammed’s eye, and I’m supposed to now start drawing an exclamatory chalk line around the edges of artistic propriety? I think not. In order for me to join such a malignant cadre, I’d have to trip over the mountain of DaVinci Code books between me and the brain-dead queue ready to take up the gun and ride against a couple of Danish cartoonists. It just isn’t worth my time and effort to think that tolerant artwork begins at the house of Allah.

oldie but goodie

How To Shoot Youreslf In The Foot With Various Programming Languages.

One of many pages of computer humor in German and English. (with only an occasional rude word or two)

This will be the last Olympics...

...because Yoko broke them up!

:)

cold calculations

Interesting: Cold War Calculators.

via Monday Evening

religion of peace, cont.

Ann Coulter pegs the snark-per-sentence meter while commenting on the mohammed cartoon outrage:

As my regular readers know, I've long been skeptical of the "Religion of Peace" moniker for Muslims — for at least 3,000 reasons right off the top of my head. I think the evidence is going my way this week...

One (cartoon) showed Muhammad turning away suicide bombers from the gates of heaven, saying "Stop, stop — we ran out of virgins!" — which I believe was a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence. Another was a cartoon of Muhammad with horns, which I believe was a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence. The third showed Muhammad with a turban in the shape of a bomb, which I believe was an expression of post-industrial ennui in a secular — oops, no, wait: It was more of a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence.

In order to express their displeasure with the idea that Muslims are violent, thousands of Muslims around the world engaged in rioting, arson, mob savagery, flag-burning, murder and mayhem, among other peaceful acts of nonviolence.

Muslims are the only people who make feminists seem laid-back.

The little darlings brandish placards with typical Religion of Peace slogans, such as: "Behead Those Who Insult Islam," "Europe, you will pay, extermination is on the way" and "Butcher those who mock Islam." They warn Europe of their own impending 9/11 with signs that say: "Europe: Your 9/11 will come" — which is ironic, because they almost had me convinced the Jews were behind the 9/11 attack.

The rioting Muslims claim they are upset because Islam prohibits any depictions of Muhammad — though the text is ambiguous on beheadings, suicide bombings and flying planes into skyscrapers...

Catholics aren't short on rules, but they couldn't care less if non-Catholics use birth control. Conservative Jews have no interest in forbidding other people from mixing meat and dairy...

But Muslims think they can issue decrees about what images can appear in newspaper cartoons. Who do they think they are, liberals?

boxes

When a customer, manager, or anyone tells you to "think outside the box", you must realize one thing: the last thing they want you to do is actually think outside the box.

The actual meaning of the phrase "think outside the box" is much more complex, and should be understood to mean this:

"I have two boxes in my imagination. I am incapable of describing either one adequately.

The first box contains the elements of the status quo which I dislike, and my inscrutable rationale for disliking them. The second box contains an idealistic but even more nebulous concept of how I want things to be. My concept of that ideal is not now, nor can it be, influenced in any way by reality.

I want you to guess what's in the second box, with no useful input or feedback from me."

Four Points

Varifrank has four points to ponder:

1) ...I'd like to point out something about the Danish flag that the Islamic world has suddenly found so popular to burn.

That white thing in the middle is a cross, the emblem and representation of a major religion in the world, that being Christianity. Yet, within Islamic countries those who practice this religion are routinely subject to persecution by the state and the religion therein. Churches and other places of Christian worship are forbidden within the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, and those who preach Christianty in Saudi Arabia are subject to summary execution. Those who are not Muslim are not allowed into the City of Mecca, and if they are discovered illegally entering into the city, they are executed for this crime. Anyone of any religion who is found by the religious leaders of Saudi Arabia to have taken part in any act remotely similar to burning a flag with an islamic symbol on it will also be executed for the crime.

Yet when you burn the symbol of their country that contains an emblem of their religion, The Danes will simply ask you to not litter and to get a permit for your protests.

Who is the 'Religion of Peace' again?

---

In short, I like being free and intend to stay that way. It's taken us in the west 2000 years to get this particular mix of cultural flavors cooking in the crock pot that is the modern world. Its taken a lot of sacrifice, a lot of loss, and a lot of work to get it this way. It didnt happen by accident. It would be a shame to give it all up because of the death threats and extortion-like actions of a small group of illiterate inbred hillbilly thugs who havent picked up a desk calendar, a bar of soap or a new idea since 900 AD.

I'm not willing to give any that stuff of up just because some jacka** gets a few of his pals together and decides to torch my countries embassy, boycott my countries goods and services, turns off the oil or burns my countries flag or its leaders in effigy. They may even goes so far as to try to kill me or anyone else they can (including themselves) to get us all to change our minds and see their side of things. But even if we were to decide that the "cartoon blasphemy" must stop, we also know it wont end there. This is not about cartoons, its about control. If we give Fascist Islam the right to tell us what we can or cannot do in our countries, then how far will it eventually go?

pirates

Arrrr!

ArrrRIAA!!

i like random

Google used to have a random page link, but it's long gone. Now Wikipedia has one, which tends to have more informative results - like these:

List of Puerto Rico state forests
Glasgow Blackfriars and Hutchesontown
Vetchinkin
Aeacides of Epirus

1st Annual Muslim Image Awards

Little Green Footballs has ongoing coverage of the Islamic cartoon brouhahaha, summarized best here by Cox & Forkum.

...and in related news, several other defamation lawsuits have been filed:

• The family of Jeffrey Dahmer is suing the producers of "Silence of the Lambs" over their anti-cannibalist propaganda.
  
• The descendants of Ghengis Khan are suing the producers of "Star Trek II" for demeaning the family's surname.
  
• The estate of Adolf Hitler is suing the History Channel, Mel Brooks, and Warner Brothers, for the many unflattering portrayals of their beloved fuhrer.

:)

design quote

While complaining about the design of Google's homepage, Andy Rutledge says:

In design, if you don't know why you're putting something somewhere you're likely making a mistake.

That probably applies to cooking, engineering, and other fields too.

No Blood For Ratings

Varifrank calls for a unilateral pullout from a real quagmire.