In a land close, really close by . . .

One of the most entertaining "musician wanted" ads i've seen is for a bassist in the Fort Worth area:

In a land close, really close by . . . (FW)
Date: 2010-01-16, 11:40PM CST
Reply to: comm-hpdae-1556479541@craigslist.org

Close, really close by, in a magical, mystical kingdom, there live a band of merry musicians who, while their sound really rocks, they sense in their collective musical psyches that their group is in dire need of some ... serious bottom end.

Those of the band are all experienced musicians, able to make magnificent melodies and hand up heart-warming harmonies, entertaining the masses while at the same time having a joyous revelry in the presence of each other . . . and yet, they are still severely lacking of . . . serious bottom end.

This band of merry musicians is welcomed at the events of their fellow man & maid as well as in the cloistered halls of the nobles, though the band prefers to avoid sharing their music in places commonly referred to as "dives." (If fact, conversely to performing in "dives," these musicians might instead even be seen plying their trades at their preferred houses of worship on Sabbath days (which happens to be this particular minstrel's favorite place to share his craft)! Those of this band also make it a point to reserve time for their families!) In all of this, the band does enjoy the company of each other, and occasionally (and in moderation) they may partake of the fruit of the vine or of the vat. However, they DO NOT partake of nefarious substances such as evil potions or concoctions created by those of any underground apothecary. And thus, the merry band happily share their craft far and wide, though they are still in need of . . . serious bottom end.

But in the meantime, unbeknownst to the merry band (and yet not far, far away . . . and soon to be revealed), there lives an ingenious troubadour who can meet their need! He is a friendly fellow, and he has masterfully designed musical equipment that can reach WAY down low, providing the earth-moving rumble that this band seeks. He is able to play a variety of musical styles (though he considers "heavy metal" to be something that knights should take off at night and wash regularly), he has masterful chops, and he is able to lay down tasty tones that will satisfy the greatest needs of the adoring masses and give them . . . serious bottom end!

The land waits for answers . . . . What will the band of merry musicians do? Will the masses remain bereft of things down low, only to live out their days filled with woe and treble? Will the band find the mysterious musician with serious bottom end skills who lives close, really close by?

Write me to find out . . . .