Rules of Conduct

update 3 (2016): another bump in recognition of the Standardization Committee for Unified Management's success in driving off yet another qualified employee.

update 2 (2010): just bumping this because it's so stinking relevant right now...

update 1 (2009): welcome to those of you who are buried by dust or hated by qa :)

Pursuant to Directive 1D/0T of our Eight Epsilon quality prevention system, the Standardization Committee for Unified Management has determined that employees of the Company may be reprimanded for actions including (but not limited to) the following:

• below-average performance, average performance, and/or above-average performance,
• not following Instructions, and/or following Instructions,
• not giving the customer what (s)he requested, and/or giving the customer what (s)he requested,
• thinking inside the Box, thinking outside the Box, not thinking inside the Box, not thinking outside the Box, and/or thinking whatsoever on Company time,
• failure to Suck Up.

As a material part of this Agreement, the employee agrees that any and all disputes, claims or controversies arising out of or relating to this Agreement shall be determined by final, binding, and possibly confidential, arbitration of the Standardization Committee for Unified Management. By agreeing to submit all disputes, claims and controversies to binding arbitration, the employee expressly waives its rights to have such matters heard by any sensible tribunal. Any award (ha!) or punishment shall be final, binding and conclusive upon the employee, including (but not limited to) the following:

• forfeiture of all future wages or other compensation,
• elimination of positive employment references,
• blacklisting in all relevant professional organizations, and/or
• general smugness accompanying all future Management dealings with employee.

At Eight Epsilon, our stated values are honesty, integrity, trust, and compassion. We strive to eliminate a positive atmosphere where teamwork, competence, pride, and mutual respect provide an opportunity for all employees to succeed.

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