Friday, May 09, 2014

Rules for feminists

Collected and adapted from the article and comments here:
  • We are just as strong as men, yet we need men to escort us or avoid us when we’re alone because all men are potential rapists.
  • Since we are just as smart as men, we need affirmative action programs in order to show it.
  • We are just as capable as men, yet we need feminist men to defend us and speak on our behalves.
  • We stand in solidarity with all women, yet we’re willing to defame and destroy those women who are successful without us or who dare to disagree with us. (In fact, when possible, we prefer getting the feminist men to do it.)
  • Since we have the same interests as men, we're not interested in typically male pastimes - it’s the men’s fault for being such misogynists.
  • We are just as powerful as men, yet we are perpetual victims. If a woman is not aware of her perpetual victimhood, we will shame her into admitting it, since ours is the only way to think.
  • We decry sexism, but value paternalism.
  • We advocate for equality and social justice, as long as everyone realizes that we are more important than anyone else.
  • We are fully-actualized, independent human beings who refuse to take responsibility for our own actions.
  • We believe all women should be able to choose for themselves what they wish to do in life, unless they choose something considered "woman's work".
  • Gender stereotypes are false, but all men are filthy rapey beasts to be shunned.
  • We will fight for gay rights, while using homosexual slurs in arguments against men.
  • We complain about lack of women in male-dominated fields, but are hypersensitive and intolerant of "male culture".
  • Because we are strong, we require movies and books to provide us with strong female characters.
  • We can engage in joking about sex or touching a man, then cry harassment when a man does the same.
  • We want freedom and happiness, but instill fear and anxiety on people (such as "rape culture").
  • We vouch for diversity, but treat non-white and foreign women with arrogance, "educating" them and deciding for them what they should want.
  • We want men to offer us career opportunities and promotions, recognize our potential and achievements, without approaching us, talking to us, hiring us, including us into their circles - because we might accuse them of harassment for any excuse.
  • We are diverse women of many rich diverse backgrounds who all must unflinchingly favor Democratic policies.


Col. B. Bunny said...

Very good!

Anonymous said...

You forgot one: No joke about feminism is funny, ever. It is micro-aggression disguised as humor, and every joke is psychological rape.

Col. B. Bunny said...

Anon, GREAT satire. Thanks. There are people who won't see through it though. They'll think you were serious, which makes it twice as funny.