Saturday, August 31, 2013

to boldly go

bbca has been re-running star trek next generation a lot lately, so i just now noticed this... you know how movies and tv have ratings systems to warn viewers of content that could be offensive? before the tv ratings system was formalized, star trek next generation pioneered a new rating that should have been on that list:

a few episodes were rated Q for being completely unwatchable.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Lanky Skanky Ho

Apologies for the risque-nities; the subject demands them :(

With absolutely no apology to Billy Ray Cyrus, here's "Lanky Skanky Ho".

---

Montana was a name
That brought the gal some fame,
The parents once liked her cleancut ways.
But then she did a dance
A-bulgin' from her pants
That made folks want those long-gone days.

She got on MTV
for everyone to see
She's not a little kid no more.
Like Madonna's early years,
Like Gaga, Pink, and Spears,
Now she is this year's singing whore.

But don't tell the ho, the lanky skanky ho,
She's got a really lousy dad.
And if you tell the ho, the lanky skanky ho,
"Get decent" she'll probably get mad.


You can tell your kids
To close their young eyelids,
Ignore the pornographic shows.
Or tell ol' Robin Thicke
"Stop acting like a dick.
Go watch your dad's old videos".

That foam finger was vile.
With writhing so nubile.
She thinks she's giving us a shock.
Playing hooker just for fame -
That act is old and lame.
I'm bored with all the nasty schlock.

But don't tell the ho, the lanky skanky ho,
To stop her epileptic twerk.
And if you tell the ho, the lanky skanky ho,
She'll think her dad's a lazy jerk.


But don't tell the ho, the lanky skanky ho,
She's just another skinny slut.
And if you tell the ho, the lanky skanky ho,
She might go cover up her butt.

---

update: as usual, lileks does better, just not by as gargantuan a margin this time imnsho.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Thursday, August 22, 2013

now i'm looking forward to age 72

good news arrives in the empire of texas - just 30 years too late.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

geoguessr

update & bump 2: i've discovered a new malady - geoguessosis - a condition where, when presented with a view of majestic wilderness scenery, one's first reaction is "phooey, no road signs".

update & bump 1: new high score: 30942 (same conditions as before)

my new favorite online game: geoguessr

my new geoguessr high score: 28148 (which took patience, highway signs, and guessing a bit of cyrillic - and no googling anything :D )

must. not. title. this. "n-tolerance".

nuking politics via imao: sensitivity training

update: via sultan knish "The liberal media cannot be parodied, because it overshoots all parody with unintentional self-parody... A liberalism that plans sex ed for elementary schoolers thinks a clown in an Obama mask is somehow inappropriate for children. Maybe if he gay-married the bull, they could have gotten behind it."

Thursday, August 15, 2013

speaking of phony scandals...

(with an insincere apology to Hoyt Axton), here's "Phone-y Scandals":

Well the law's upside down 'cause of Eric Holder,
Lost my job to appease shareholders,
Global warming's made it all gone colder,
But maybe things'll get a little better in the mornin'
Maybe things'll get a little better.

Constitution is in disregard,
The shining city has been darkly marred,
Got beat up by crackheads in my yard,
Maybe things'll get a little better in the mornin'
Maybe things'll get a little better.

Now they're spying on my phone - what does he say?
Phone-y Scandals, Phone-y Scandals.

I've been broke since just about two-thousand-eight,
Payin' for the stinkin' bureaucrat deadweight,
Bein lied to by the fourth estate,
Sayin' maybe things'll get a little better in the mornin'
Maybe things'll get a little better.

Now they're spying on my phone - what does he say?
Phone-y Scandals, Phone-y Scandals.

The grass is legal and the prayer is not
The whole darn world is a-goin' to pot
Hard to fight this kind of foul onslaught,
But maybe things'll get a little better in the mornin'
Maybe things'll get a little better.

Now they're spying on my phone - what does he say?
Phone-y Scandals, Phone-y Scandals.
Now they're spying on my phone - what does he say?
Phone-y Scandals, Phone-y Scandals.
Now they're spying on my phone - what does he say?
Phone-y Scandals, Phone-y Scandals.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Friday, August 02, 2013