Sunday, July 31, 2011

it's alive

it's just momentarily ill:
...How far off are the puppet masters pulling the strings of the usurper in the White House and our deaf representatives from both political parities? We have come full circle…we are again but a collection of colonies wanting representation, but not getting it, needing protection from a foreign invasion, but having the invasion aided by those who should, but do not protect our borders.

Our national seat of government is under siege, our country is in dire straits, and we are without a pulse of representation, but the nation’s lifeblood is in her people, and the nation’s heart beats within our own breasts where the Constitution is indelibly written…and there is where it lives on, not in Washington.
read the rest

update: read also
"For years the guys in Washington ducked the tough choices, leaving them for the future to deal with. Now the future is here. The business-as-usual pols in Washington who created the monster say they can save us from it.... If we get out of the current financial jam, the politicians in Washington will drive straight for the next jam as fast as ever they can."

and this
...

a series of jokes: 09

Q: What's red and looks like a bucket?
A: A blue bucket in disguise

Saturday, July 30, 2011

a series of jokes: 08

Q: What's blue and looks like a bucket?
A: A blue bucket

quote of the weak

to which i say:

The worst six words you can hear at a party are, “Do you watch my talk show?” Talk shows, really, used to be called tantrums, played out by spoiled and fussy narcissists - their faces usually colored in the most lurid hues of red to violet. But now too many people are throwing tantrums, except now they call them talk shows and they’re telling us all how important it is to watch them. It’s like punching you in the eye and then forcing you to say "thanks for showing me all those pretty stars".

Talk shows are the most disgusting, narcissistic, time-wasting developments of the last hundred years (and I’m including the vuvuzela). Everybody ignored your tantrums in 1776, so you never did have the joy of some stranger handing you a cookie.

Friday, July 29, 2011

a series of jokes: 07

Q: What do a grape and a chicken have in common?
A: They're both purple, except for the chicken.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

a series of jokes: 06

Two drugged-out hippies are walking along a train track.

One turns to the other and says, "Wow, these steps are really steep, maaan!"

The other hippie replies, "It ain't the steps that bother me, maaan, it's these low handrails!"

The first one interrupts him to say "Watch out maaan, the elevator's coming!"

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

a series of jokes: 05

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot

Monday, July 25, 2011

a series of jokes: 03

Q. What do Alexander the Great, Ivan the Terrible, and Jimmy the Greek have in common?
A. Same middle name.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

on terror coverage

in the wake of the reports of the motives of the norwegian scum, news coverage of terror attacks clearly now has three mutually-exclusive options:
  1. begin reporting on any or all motives of murderous scum, including leftism and islamofascism,
  2. refuse to report on any or all motives of murderous scum, including rightism and perversions of christianity, or
  3. remain blatantly hypocritical in their anti-american pro-islamist pandering
i expect they'll keep doing #3 as usual

a series of jokes: 02

Q: Why is the sky blue?
A: Because if it were green we wouldn't know where to stop mowing.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

a series of jokes: 01

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

a night of detours

i usually just drive home from work via surface streets, but occasionally take i35w (or 820) northbound. tonight i decided to take 35w, not knowing that its onramp from i30 was closed for construction. so i took the commerce street exit, and found a whole lot more construction & dead-ends downtown.

this may or may not have been my route...

sitting in the middle of sylvania (about where that dot is just north of yucca ave) and staring into my headlights was a black cat, to which i did not yell "you're too late buddy!" :D

Thursday, July 14, 2011

turning gold into lead

"Reading the Declaration of Independence 235 years after it was written, it’s kidney-punchingly obvious that the United States government has become precisely the sort of bloodsucking tyrant against which the Founding Fathers revolted."

short form and long form

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

night shopping

if i had to register a domain name for the person behind me at the checkout tonight, it would be www.ChloeSevignyInScoobyDooPajamas.com

:)

i love it when people don't know how pretty they are...

Fairness in Broadcasting

Earlier, there was much ado about the Fairness in Broadcasting Act. I don't see what was so bad about it. It might have actually resulted in some movies where:
  • intelligent people live in rural areas, and city dwellers are poor inbred layabouts
  • vampires were actually evil, not just misunderstood
  • Michael Moore points out the better side of capitalism
  • members of the clergy remain faithful and avoid doing evil
  • animals do not make wisecracks
  • the profits of Big Media were exposed by some plucky young oilfield workers
  • characters are not defined by their ethnicity
  • neighbors are not wacky
  • the woman does not fall for the "bad boy"
  • fruit carts and glass deliveries are safe from car chases
  • the noble American military saves the world from corrupt environmentalists
It would also require the formation of several new cable channels - one to show movies where the husband recovers from the abusive two-timing wife, one to show obedient children and sensible parents, and more than one to show high-budget computer-animated documentaries about Young-Earth Creationism (preferably voiced by Morgan Freeman).

Friday, July 08, 2011

bad pun alert

in the interest of helping dustbury's commentors keep from gagging, i'll make my horrible pun here:

dustbury posted about odd and undescriptive color names - such as the mud-putty-hued "weekend in the country". one commentor said "dead salmon probably is not a popular item", to which i refrained from responding

...

...

...

"dead salmon is a very popular color in a bear market"

Thursday, July 07, 2011

lbj

okay, maybe obama isn't the worst president in u.s.history (yet) - lbj created a trifecta of quagmires:

Escalation of the Vietnam War
More than 50,000 Americans and many more Vietnamese died as a result of that policy; our country was bitterly divided in ways that still weaken us today, and the economic cost of the war was immense. It contributed to the wave of inflation that shook the country in the 1970s.
The Medicare/Medicaid complex
These entitlement programs are the biggest single financial problem we face. They dwarf all the Bush-Obama wars; they make TARP look like small change. They not only cost money we don’t have — and are scheduled to cost inexorably more until they literally ruin the nation — they have distorted our entire health system into the world’s most bloated and expensive monstrosity. Thanks to these programs, we have a health system that marries the greed of the private sector to the ineptitude of government.
The War on Poverty
Since the Great Society era of Lyndon Johnson, the country has poured hundreds of billions of dollars into poor urban neighborhoods. The violence and crime generated in these neighborhoods costs hundreds of billions more. And after all this time, all this money and all this energy, the inner city populations are worse off than before. There is more drug addiction and more social and family breakdown among this population than when the Great Society was launched.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

inquiring minds want to know

no, not "how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop" - these are questions for the brocko bomber:
How come you haven't made unemployment illegal?

Instead of making cars get 62 mpg, why not 62 million mpg? Also, do something about the gravitational constant.

Are you smart enough to create a problem so big that even you could not solve it?

Is this question racist?

Why do you need permission to be clear, and not need permission to bomb Libya?

When your economic advisors hold policy meetings, do they stuff a towel at the bottom of the door?
and many many more

Monday, July 04, 2011

happy 235th

"We shouldn’t limit our reading or understanding of this document for anniversaries such as today."

update: this should apply internationally...

Saturday, July 02, 2011

not just "kind of a..."

...and in related news, mark halperin also apologized to viagra users everywhere, for comparing their... small problem... to the worst president in u.s. history.

...also, our previous president is still waiting for about 3,930,000 apologies.

one flipped beatle

john lennon, republican?!?